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EyelessArchfiend's News


2009-11-12 13:31:04 by EyelessArchfiend


Metallica: A History of Douchebags

2009-07-15 04:42:26 by EyelessArchfiend

It's been three days while I had working and smoking to do, and most of this cartoon was made while I was high and/ or half-awake :P

Here's a link (scroll down):

I have a script written and will be updating this news post with new additions to the toon in case anyone is actually interested :D

Metallica: A History of Douchebags

Bad Salvia Trip

2009-06-22 01:43:34 by EyelessArchfiend

: Just a heads up, this is kind of a long story. No TL;DR, either read it or don't. Only read this if you're into psychoactive drugs and have a good 5-10 minutes to spend on reading and have an attention span greater than that of a 2-year-old.

I was in Atlantic City, NJ, and bought some salvia on the boardwalk since those people pride themselves in selling a perfectly legal drug.

I brought it to my friend's house and smoked it in a bowl with my girlfriend. We both decided we weren't getting anything off it, and I was beginning to wonder if I had been ripped off and sold incense or potpourri. I was set on smoking until I felt something, just to be sure. So sure enough, I was getting that slight, weak high you would get from some cheap shwag.

Well nothing happened after 2 bowls, and my friend told me to use his Waterfall (soda bottle that's kinda like an upside down bong). Two more of our friends showed up and we went into his bathroom to smoke it. I got a gigantic hit and began to feel really chill and relaxed. After about a minute, I lost control. My knees buckled and I stared at the ceiling not knowing who the people in the room were, where I was, or where I was going. I was scared as shit and about to flip the fuck out at someone until I regained consciousness.

One of my friends said something that was worth a quick "ha" in response, and nothing more. I started with a "ha" and trailed into a "ha... aaaah-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAHAHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAA-" and I was slowly falling towards the floor. My dickhead friend brought me out to the living room so the rest of the people there could see me laughing uncontrollably like a fucking moron. I was drooling from laughing so hard, my head was pounding, and I felt like I was about to cry. This lasted about two minutes, but it felt like ten. I then asked "why are we laughing?," and made my way to my seat on the sofa.

It was a long, painful, and awkward silence and everyone was staring at me, as I was the only one fucked up in a room full of sober kids. The only way I can describe how I felt is to say I felt like I was in a marketplace. It makes absolutely no sense, but that's how I felt. The off-white color projected on the walls seemed to envelope everything in the room and blare the contrast to make everything brighter. When I focused on the walls I thought they were tan bricks, and I couldn't help but imagine windows on the walls with curtains blowing out of them. It was retarded. Any time someone would talk to me, I could see a bright outline of their head, each hair, the movement of their lips.

At one point I described myself as feeling "electric;" I could feel a tingling in my fingertips and I could feel the energy in the room. This, which I didn't realize until several minutes later when my trip was coming to an end, is a feeling I get only when I have anxiety attacks and/ or fainting from high blood pressure. I was also sweating like crazy and the veins in my eyes were pounding. I was drenched in sweat and described it as a "stupidly warm rain shower."

This was only one gram of 20 atomiX (5x), and it cost me $25 on the boardwalk. This was the cheapest one I could buy, as it was the least powerful. I got home and saw you could get the same amount and strength for $15 on the website.

: The "dickhead friend" from before wants to smoke 180x with me, and I'm scared shitless.

Bad Salvia Trip

Shut up

2009-04-17 19:47:49 by EyelessArchfiend

the fuck.


So I Forgot What Day it was Today

2009-04-01 19:01:37 by EyelessArchfiend

I got a text this morning from a friend of mine who I'm not dating, but do stuff with (she has a boyfriend... oops), saying "i bought a test last night bc i threw up the other morning... it's positive..."

I just woke up at the time and my heart sunk. I think I pooped a little. She told me her boyfriend won't talk to her and she was freaking out, scared out of her mind. She said she didn't know what to do and she didn't know if she should tell her dad. At this point I was pretty much bitching her out for not breaking up with that asshole a long time ago, and I wanted to beat his ass for not taking responsibility, if it was even his fault.

So I go to pick her up to take her to school and I get out of my car to go hug her/comfort her/etc., and she's walking towards me laughing. I just stared at her with an almost disgusted look on my face. "Why the fuck are you laughing..."


I didn't talk to her from the time I picked her up to about fourth period. My morning was fucked.

Fuck you!

2009-03-29 22:20:11 by EyelessArchfiend

Fuckin prick.

New Shirt Coming

2009-02-25 18:10:12 by EyelessArchfiend

Burn the Priest were the members from Lamb of God back in the 90s, but with Abe Spear on guitar instead of Willie Adler. Anyway, here's the shirt:

New Shirt Coming

I Have Named My Penis

2009-02-22 02:41:37 by EyelessArchfiend

After some thought, I have decided to name my penis. Due to its natural downward curvature and intimidating stature, I call it "Kukri."

I Have Named My Penis

Happy 2009

2009-01-01 11:32:33 by EyelessArchfiend

Last night was a trip... Shwoo... This is going to be a big year for me. I turn 18 in March and graduate high school in June. Probably going off to Kutztown University for graphic design or architecture... Not sure yet. The idea of my future scares me.

So happy New Year, fellow Newgroundians... Newground-ee-aahns... Newground-oh-wahns... Newgrondians?

Anchorman for teh lul joke

Texas Gets What It Deserves!

2008-09-12 23:55:19 by EyelessArchfiend

Those fatass rednecks are always bragging about how "everything's bigger in Texas..."

Well now you've got the biggest hurricane since 1900 coming down on your asses! NOW WHO'S BIG, TEXAS?

Texas Gets What It Deserves!